In fashion


It was cold this weekend, a real winter that I so dislike. I didn’t want to go out and I didn’t want to stay alone either. I called the girls to come for a sleepover. That’s always nice – four of us together. In the morning we had coffee, I think my kitchen table likes the sight of us, holding each a cup with rainbow roses. Half asleep, half awake we were just having a silly conversation until one of us said:
–” Do you know girls, there’s something on the market called LOVE, they say it’s new in fashion, it’s kind of expensive and they don’t have it in stock in all shops, but if you find it and it’s good quality then you know you’ve got the best buy ever!”
–“What is it? What do you do with it?”- asked the other one.
–“Well, I don’t really know, I’ve never seen one, but from what I’ve heard it makes you feel great once you have it.”

And then someone’s phone rang and the conversation about the new item in fashion ended there. But after they left I thought: ” Love, love, love why does it sound so familiar?”. Maybe I had it somewhere at home and I just didn’t know about it? Maybe I bought it and I forgot about it? I went to the bedroom and looked around, nothing there was like something called LOVE. What if I had it in the cupboard with the clothes I rarely wear? No. Just a pile with shirts, pile with underwear and socks, no LOVE. It wasn’t hanging with the trousers and the jackets either.

I sat on the floor to check the blue box with special memories I keep under the bed and again nothing seemed like LOVE. Maybe after all I was wrong to think LOVE is something I know about. Silence and then …
“Oh, yes! The kitchen!”- I heard myself saying out loud. Maybe we store LOVE in the fridge, so it will be kept for a longer time, fresh and nice to be used? I ran to the kitchen and opened the door on the fridge. I looked on all shelves, but the only thing that really made me feel great was the yogurt with strawberries in it. Delicious the yogurt was, but … “If this is LOVE” – I said to myself – “Here would write LOVE, not yogurt”. So I left the half-eaten yogurt and disappointed went to the living room.

I saw the books and I remembered: “Yay, finally”- in some books there was the word LOVE. Here we go! This is it, it must be what they were talking about. But then how come LOVE which is meant for other people can make you feel great? LOVE in the books was for people who lived centuries ago, so again, not the right thing I was looking for. I sat on the couch ready to give up on the idea about LOVE and right in front of me few albums with pictures …
“Let me give it one last look” – I decided. Maybe LOVE is somewhere in there? Pictures of me, pictures with the family, pictures with friends, pictures with ex-boyfriends. Some woke up tenderness and care, some made me laugh, some made me miss people I haven’t seen in a long time and I didn’t feel really great, just sweet and joyful because of the memories.

All night I couldn’t sleep. LOVE was now an obsession and I spent the night thinking about which shop I will go to first thing in the morning. As soon as the time the shops to be open came, I left home. I was in and out of malls, beauty-centers, supermarkets … None had LOVE, none of them! Everywhere the same and the same answers: “Out of stock”, “We never had it”, “Out of stock”, “We never had it”. I was so tired and discouraged by the failure of all my attempts to find whatever LOVE was that I didn’t even notice how I ended up sitting on some rocks on the beach. I felt the cold air going under my jacket and touching my skin not so pleasantly. I could feel the tears trying to break out of my eyes, but I was so frustrated that I didn’t find what I was looking for that I said to myself: –“Blaga, don’t you dare cry! No tear drop will be wasted for something we don’t even know that exists!”

But tears sometimes don’t care about what you want or not, they just come and … And right then I felt a hand on my shoulder, I turned around and I saw a man, divine … –“Hey, what’s wrong? Why are you crying?” – he asked. For some reason his voice, so soft, made me cry even more and all I could do was to fall in his arms. He didn’t say anything, didn’t try to move me away, he was just hugging me quietly, holding me tight. When I stopped crying he asked again what the problem was. I lifted my head and said: “There is this thing called LOVE, I’ve been looking for it all day and I still don’t have it and I don’t know why but it hurts.”

He smiled at me and his smile was saying “Silly you” and I felt great, more than great …
— What do you feel when you look at my eyes? – he asked.
— I feel like I’m loosing myself in a land full with flowers and sunshine is all over. – I answered.
— How do you feel now in my arms? – second question he asked.
— Protected, warm, wanting to never let go. – I heard myself saying.
— Put your hand on my chest and tell me what do you hear? – he ordered nicely.
— Your heart. I feel your heart beating like crazy.
— This is LOVE – he said. This is the LOVE you’ve been looking for, it’s inside of me and it’s all yours if that is what will make you happy!

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Song mood – My hands- Leona Lewis

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Image by Saber Hodson – Last Shadow Photography

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© 2011  Broken Sparkles

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Memories *3*

*All characters appearing in this work are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons is purely coincidental.*

… She was writing again and this time the words were different, this time she wanted to share happiness. They couldn’t stay apart. It was like a dream, like a fairytale, like a celebration, or at least Bella thought it was. Blind, deaf, not able to accept anything but the moments with him, with Charlie, her Charlie.

People were talking bad about him, even Dina and Helena once told her they saw him with another woman, but she couldn’t believe it was true. Bella trusted him. And when the pregnancy test Bella did came positive, she had another prove of his devotion. The excitement in his voice, how come he could have another woman? It was impossible! Charlie couldn’t wait the doctor to confirm the news, so Bella could go and talk to her parents and he could officially ask for her hand.

Three weeks later, Bella called her mom and said she is coming to see them. Mr. and Mrs. Rico Valor were delighted with the news, their baby girl had met someone nice and there was a grand-child on its way. Isabella was supposed to stay two days in Santa Pola, but she couldn’t wait to see Charlie again, so she decided to go back a day earlier and to surprise him. But she was the one to be surprised , entering the flat, seeing clothes all over the floor, definitely not hers.

The sound of the running water in the shower, the sighs of pleasure and the view of Charlie’s naked body, holding another naked body of a woman, touching her, kissing her with care. At first it was the shock that made her go down on the floor, trying to restrict the vision, trying to convince herself, that it was just a bad joke. And then the awakening, her six senses brutally awake, showing her in slow motion all signs about how much people were right, all signs that she ignored , because it was so damn good to feel like a princess. And at last – the rage that swallowed her, feeling she will murder, the scream: “Out! Both of you out!”, which got the attention of the sinful couple in the shower.

It was a blur, a delusion what followed next. The skinny blond woman running and leaving wet traces on the black marble. Charlie apologizing and Bella pushing him away, with hatred, with disgust, nasty feelings she never felt before. The vase and the picture frames thrown after him and that traitor her heart, hoping Charlie will disappear. And when finally alone with the door locked and Charlie banging on it, begging her to let him in and explain, the tears came, the bitter ocean of tears, followed by million “Why?” and blood running down on her legs.

Bella lost the baby and with the unborn baby gone, all her dreams faded at once. The pieces of glass in between water and roses on the floor, were the only witnesses to watch her soul evaporating into the sky, the only that heard the silent promise : ” There won’t be another heart to trust and let it dance a broken tango with my scars!”

Dina was out of town that night. She was expecting a call from Bella to hear how things went in Santa Pola after the news about the baby, but when she heard the hysterically crying Bella on the phone, not able to understand a word out in between the sobbing and the quick talk, she got really worried and sent Helena to see what is going on. Helena found her friend in a way no words could describe, covered with blood, the look in her eyes, broken, empty and the only thing she could do is take Bella to the hospital. Helena has never seen Bella in such a condition, she herself was ready to cry. She tried to understand what happened, why her flat was a mess, how she lost the baby, where Charlie was and how come she was not in Santa Pola, but no luck. Bella didn’t speak until the time to leave the hospital came. And all she said was that she doesn’t want to talk about it, how Barcelona is over for her and she is going back to Santa Pola for good.

She asked them if they could go to her flat and pack a bag for her, she didn’t want to go there and live the nightmare again. The flat she bought with so much love was now contaminated and dirty. Back in Santa Pola, Bella begged her parents to just accept her back, without questions. Her mother would hear her cry late at night for months. It was tearing her apart to not know how to help her little girl, but she respected her wish and never mentioned Charlie or the baby who obviously were no longer there. One day Bella asked if she can work in the family hotel. It was the day she decided it’s time to move on. It was nice meeting new people, talking with the guests, she even found her notebook and wrote few poems. They were all about one hopeful new future and one different world, where pure love rules within. Her mother was reading the poems secretly and she couldn’t thank God enough for bringing life back to her daughter.

Bella sent some of her work to few publishing houses she found online. Many people have said to her she has a talent, so why not try to do something about it. And not much later a publishing house in New York answered her, saying they loved her work. So tomorrow the early flight she had to catch was to New York. She was so excited, she couldn’t sleep.
The celebration for her 33d birthday with her parents, the dreams about the new beginning, the ideas of the new poems she will write, it all kept her awake. She was wondering why did she remember all this tonight?
What took her to the past? Maybe this was a way to say “good bye” to all bad memories and the pain that made her loose the way to happiness, maybe it was a way to welcome tomorrow- the new, beautiful and promising tomorrow!

to be continued …

“The awakening” by ivorytowers11 on deviantart.com

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© 2011  Broken Sparkles

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Broken tango

 

“I bust the windows out your car, and no, it didn’t mend my broken heart. I’ll probably always have these ugly scars, but right now I don’t care about that part. I bust the windows out your car, after I saw you laying next to her”

~ Jasmine Sullivan – “Bust your windows”

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Memories

“… She was writing again and this time the words were different, this time she wanted to share happiness. They couldn’t stay apart. It was like a dream, like a fairytale, like a celebration, or at least Bella thought it was. Blind, deaf, not able to accept anything but the moments with him, with Charlie, her Charlie.

People were talking bad about him, even Dina and Helena once told her they saw him with another woman, but she couldn’t believe it was true. Bella trusted him. And when the pregnancy test Bella did came positive, she had another prove of his devotion. The excitement in his voice, how come he could have another woman? It was impossible! Charlie couldn’t wait the doctor to confirm the news, so Bella could go and talk to her parents and he could officially ask for her hand.

Three weeks later, Bella called her mom and said she is coming to see them. Mr. and Mrs. Rico Valor were delighted with the news, their baby girl had met someone nice and there was a grand-child on its way. Isabella was supposed to stay two days in Santa Pola, but she couldn’t wait to see Charlie again, so she decided to go back a day earlier and to surprise him. But she was the one to be surprised , entering the flat, seeing clothes all over the floor, definitely not hers.

The sound of the running water in the shower, the sighs of pleasure and the view of Charlie’s naked body, holding another naked body of a woman, touching her, kissing her with care. At first it was the shock that made her go down on the floor, trying to restrict the vision, trying to convince herself, that it was just a bad joke. And then the awakening, her six senses brutally awake, showing her in slow motion all signs about how much people were right, all signs that she ignored , because it was so damn good to feel like a princess. And at last – the rage that swallowed her, feeling she will murder, the scream: “Out! Both of you out!”, which got the attention of the sinful couple in the shower.

It was a blur, a delusion what followed next. The skinny blond woman running and leaving wet traces on the black marble. Charlie apologizing and Bella pushing him away, with hatred, with disgust, nasty feelings she never felt before. The vase and the picture frames thrown after him and that traitor her heart, hoping Charlie will disappear. And when finally alone with the door locked and Charlie banging on it, begging her to let him in and explain, the tears came, the bitter ocean of tears, followed by million “Why?” and blood running down on her legs.

Bella lost the baby and with the unborn baby gone, all her dreams faded at once. The pieces of glass in between water and roses on the floor, were the only witnesses to watch her soul evaporating into the sky, the only that heard the silent promise : ” There won’t be another heart to trust and let it dance a broken tango with my scars!” … “

~*~*~*~*~*~

This was a part of a story I write and I haven’t finished yet …


“Because that is how life is – full of surprises.”
Isaac Bashevis Singer  

"La muerte del tango/ The death of tango" by Patric-images on deviantart.com

 

© 2011  Broken Sparkles