Sleeping bells


“Love is so short, forgetting is so long.”

~Pablo Neruda


Strange, almost pathetic that I forgot to remember today. Or maybe it is a good thing …

I danced all Sunday night with the stars and my personal moon, and when the alarm screamed at 6.30 a.m., I nearly assassinated  the Neverlate – 7 day clock. Luckily, summer boy and his inbuilt nature of a savior rescued the annoying gadget before I get hold of it in my sleep.
– Easy Ms. Bundy, let the alarm live at least one more day!- the low-pitched voice stirred in giggles came near me and marked seductively my back.
– Go away, Alex! Five more minutes, please!- I pushed the pleasantly familiar body, pulling the blanket all to myself and covered my head, before he let the light on.

It’s a crime someone to be awake this early, yet, Alex seemed to think otherwise, even in the darkness of the dawn, he is always the most sunny boy, my summer boy. I wondered if he will ever get bored with my morning reactions and just leave me to sleep in peace? I felt the butterfly kiss through the sheets and I heard him jumping out of bed, switching the CD player on, letting Nino‘s voice to fill the room. His bare feet tapping on the marble floor headed to the kitchen and with the smell that came from the coffee machine I forgot about those five minutes I was begging for.

It was another ordinary day. I was walking around quietly, Alex was singing and teasing me, holding an imaginary guitar. The coffee had the same “made with love” taste, black for me, with sugar and milk for him. We shared the shower and the sink again wasn’t wide enough for both of us to stand in front. I helped him with the tie, he helped with the zip on my dress. I was barely holding my breath close to him, he couldn’t keep his hands away.  Everything seemed normal, but the extra smiles, extra kisses, extra sweet talking, the dozens “How do you feel?” questions … Well, I was probably still asleep and it was just an idea in my mind. And there we go again …

-Are you going to be alright today?- he looked at me and the green of his eyes was never that bizarre.
– Why wouldn’t I be? As soon as the coffee kicks in properly I’ll be like McLaren’s car in Formula 1, even worse, Mclaren’s car in a dress and with female brains!
He stared at me like I was telling him that I’m moving to North pole to live happily with Polar bears and Killer whales.
– Ok, Alex! Do we have something special to celebrate today and I forgot? I’m sure I haven’t! So what is it today?
A sigh, an inhaled hidden agony clouded his voice, but he let it fly away. He pushed me smoothly to the metal door. A long gaze, his fingers drawing the contours of my mouth, his lips leaving shadows of quiet words.
– Today is a happy day. I want you to enjoy it! – he smiled, with the kind of smile you doubt even your name and we left for work.

Once at the office I forgot about the weird morning and I concentrated on the program for the day. Just before the end of the working day a courier came, looking for me, holding a bouquet of white roses, tied with a dark blue ribbon and a little sapphire-like stone hanging on the end. I didn’t need to see the card, I knew who the flowers were from, I knew what I forgot today! It was the day Raul and I met for a first time 7 years ago. It was on the same day, 3 years ago, that he left me without so much of an explanation.

6th of June, 2004 would’ve been a typical, Greek summer day, if it wasn’t my anxiety of meeting Raul for a first time. The plane from New York had a delay and I was pacing back and forth on the cold airport floor, restless, tense and so did my heart, counting the minutes. He found me few months earlier through some online community. At first it was an exchange of jokes and rather childlike flirt, until he told me he is coming to Athens, to work for the Olympic games. Then we saw the opportunity to make something much more out of the relationship we had. The conversations suddenly changed from innocent to bold and provocative. I wasn’t looking at him as just online messages to spice up my day, he was to become a reality, a very attractive reality, considering the pictures I’ve seen.

It was annoying how a simple delay made me nervous, made me doubt the way I look, but it was the first time to accept in my life a complete stranger, it was the first time I let myself fall in love with a picture, with the idea of what would be like if I could hear his words whispered to my ears, instead of seeing them typed on a screen. I’ve imagined over and over the moment when he will cross the exit gates, I’ve made up million times the conversation we will first have, but when the time came it didn’t match any of my scenarios. I didn’t expect to witness a magnetism, I didn’t foresee the first kiss where no words will be needed. I wasn’t ready for the sway of his lips and I lost myself in love, in passion, in madness I’ve never felt before. Four years of violent delights cooked with sugar and vanilla!

When the violent end came I wasn’t ready either, after 1460 days I still didn’t have enough of him, I wasn’t ready to let go, not yet. On 6th of June, 2008 we were supposed to leave for a trip to Paris, but we didn’t. He left and I still don’t know why. Alex and I were friends for ages, he never really liked Raul, but when he came after my phone call, he didn’t say ” I told you so “, he was there to support me, he stayed day after day. He didn’t mind my sadness or the tears. He didn’t leave me alone when the bells of loss would ring and bring back the past in days like 6th of June. Even when we crossed the line of our friendship and turned it into an intimate relationship, he didn’t demand anything, he accepted the ghost of Raul. He didn’t try to vanish the bells, he just made sure the sound of them wouldn’t harm me.

Today for some reason these bells are sleeping, strange, almost pathetic that I forgot … But maybe it’s time to give a chance to summer boy and to show him that the past no longer matters. I looked again at the white roses in my hands, for a second there was a thought to open the envelope an to read the note, but instead I dropped the flowers in the garbage bin and I dialed Alex’s number:
– Hey, sunny boy, are you ready to take me dancing tonight and celebrate that happy day you were talking about?


Bundy –  Ted Bundy, American serial killer

Nino – Greek singer

Violent delights, violent ends

“These violent delights have violent ends
And in their triump die, like fire and powder
Which, as they kiss, consume”
~ William Shakespeare (Romeo and Juliet)


*Any resemblance to real persons and events is purely coincidental.*


Image by Sonam Mandal


© 2011  Broken Sparkles