Unconscious letters

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It all started few months ago, when summer boy and I went to a bookstore called “Unconscious letters”- “Aναίσθητα γράμματα”. I found the name really funny and unexplainable. How come letters can be unconscious? In a place where the muses have blessed the pages of so many books it is impossible anyone to be unconscious and most of all the letters. Seeing the meaning even from the angle of poetry, the name still seems somehow strange to me. We had a long conversation back then, lots of drinks over theories and facts, but we never reached agreement about the unconsciousness.

I remember him telling me with the most sunny smile on his face that he will prove me wrong and I didn’t even took him seriously. Well, that was some time ago and I honestly never recalled the conversation again, until the other day when he left for another educational exchange program in Finland. Is not the first time he goes away so I’m used to his absence and his sudden appearances back in moments when I least expect him. He says he will be back in November, but I know soon before November I’ll have him knocking on my door at 3.am. asking for pancakes. But that’s not the point here …

At the airport before we said good bye he gave me a CD, I thought that it was some music I told him I liked and I asked him to download for me, so I left the CD in my bag and even forgot about it until the next day. I wish I could somehow show you what’s on the CD, but first, the writing is in Greek and second, there was a note saying “Only for your eyes” and I can’t ignore the bright red, capital letters, but I can talk about the consequences of seeing it.

Summer boy made nearly 2,5 hours long, slideshow, love story, using mostly fragments of famous books and movies, a little of his own writing, pictures and youtube videos to back up the story. As soon as I saw the title “Unconscious letters” I couldn’t help it but think, summer boy does keep his promises. The name of the main character is Brian, I love that name and he knows it very well, so just with the name, the hero won my sympathy. The story is a story that could happen to any of us, we all fall in love and experience different situations. What I loved the most was the way he presented Brian.

I watched him, I read about him, I saw him talking, arguing, smiling, being angry, making love, hiding his pride … I saw him turn into a part of my heart, fictitious character that made me fall in love with the idea of someone like him. The story doesn’t have a happy end, Brian ends up alone, probably regretting his decisions and actions for being late to accept and reveal he can actually care about another person. The effect of seeing the CD resembles fireworks, a ticker bundled in ecstasy, bubbling blood out of the arteries, steam back in the veins. I really liked the hero, with all his good and bad sides, that’s probably because it was made to get to me from someone that knows me pretty well.

After the end lines, there was one last picture to finish the slideshow with the image of an actor I like very much and the words:” Now try and write a poem about this Brian guy and tell me how conscious your letters and words are!”. And I’ve been trying for the last 4 days to write a poem about Brian. Divine is the expression for a worship coming from the heart, my heart. But why does it sound so plain, so hollow when I try to apply divine to Brian’s charm? Why I have so much to tell about him and yet I can’t find the right words? How do you find the right muse to justify what you saw, felt and wanted to be yours, instead of being part of some story? How do you turn into a poem love beyond the love?

I have so much to say and yet nothing comes in the form of poetry, so I think I’ll stick to stories for the next few days, weeks, until I get rid off Brian’s influence … And yes, I admit, I was wrong! Letters can be unconscious!

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“Brian Kinney” by RandyStoleMyKeys on deviantart.com

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