If all questions find their answers …

“We are earnest to explore and learn all things, but we require that all things be mysterious and unexplorable …”

― Henry David Thoreau

* * * * *

The minute he told me he loves girls with short skirts, I knew, no matter how sweet my face is or how smart I am, he will never see me the way I want him to. Not that I can’t wear a short skirt, I probably can, but I think long skirts are much more alluring. Call me old-fashioned, but a woman doesn’t need to have all her skin out to look appealing. The shape of the body wrapped in a long, white summer dress, brushing the molecules of the sand under the sun and the reflections of palm trees in the sea, making a man wondering, somehow, makes much more sense to me.

Nevertheless, I had my moment of doubt and anxiety after the discovery, but I am still talking to him. Maybe because he challenges my mind in a way no one had for a long time; maybe because the smile on his face is like a soothing touch over my broken sparkles or maybe, I simply am not ready to let go of the muse I found in him.

He doesn’t say much, but then no real man usually does, just enough to answer my questions and to satisfy to a certain level my thirst; but he always leaves a door open for another question, for another message, for another conversation and this is enough to know he likes talking to me. I haven’t figured out why yet, but I think I don’t want to. All want is to know him better. Questions are bruising the surface on my lips and my fingertips are dying to flood the screen with words and get rid off of all the thoughts inside my confused head.

I want to know about his dreams and the colors of his heart, what makes him happy, angry, sad, blind with love; does he think of the moonlight, how he finds the words for his stories? I want to see him walking, talking to other people, other women, sleeping, having a shower or just a coffee in the morning before he drives to work. I want to ask him a million questions and I want him to ask me a million questions back … but I’m afraid that I will scare him if he finds how much I want. Or worse, he will give me what I want, he will flood back the screen with answers and will solve all the little mysteries occupying my brain right now.

And what if all questions find their answers, what if I end up alone, again, without a daydream to provoke my senses and keep me breathing? What if, with every answer, I see how ordinary a human he is and there is nothing sparkling in his short e-mails, nothing so sweet and dramatic in two people sharing the same sky across the oceans, through the plasma world of bits and bytes?

The Killers are singing their story about runaways, innocent souls catching the last glimpse of the summer wind and I am re-reading his last message, trying to find a meaning between the lines that doesn’t exist. And I know, I won’t ask him a question today, I won’t reveal how weak my heart is, not today! Today will forever remain mysterious and unexplainable, no question will find its answer, no illusion will be added to the pile of broken sparkles…

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Image by RedSheep Photography

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© 2012  Broken Sparkles

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12 Responses to “If all questions find their answers …”

  1. BUTTERFLIES OF TIME Says:

    yes, leave it for another time, another day, another season, life’s little mysteries are what that keep it lively and worth living! Great writing Blaga! Sorry have not been around much with comments but I am there, just a click away! :-)

  2. Karmic Diva Says:

    This is so romantic and full of energy.

  3. Life: Between the lines Says:

    So touching, filled with yearning. Thanks for the visit! Neal rocks :-) Congrats on your awards! XX

  4. Jamie Dedes Says:

    It is not easy to package romantic and oddly pragmatic in one essence, but you have done. The pragmatic value of not being able to deal with – even prefering – ambiguity – is all so romantic. Nicely done …

    • Broken Sparkles Says:

      I find this one very revealing, but nevertheless, I posted it. Maybe because I know he will never come here to read it :) As the years pass by, I see how I find it easier to put the romance aside when it’s necessary and I don’t know how good is that, but certainly keeps the troubles away from my heart :) Thank you Jamie!

  5. Nessy San Says:

    You almost made me cry Blaga…beautiful!

  6. dragonkatet Says:

    I don’t know how you manage to do sad and romantic at the same time, but you do it very well. What you’ve conveyed here about the mystery (and or lack/death of it) is SO true. I think it is interesting that you framed the situation as an online romance, which can be the most mysterious type of all – that “ghost in the machine” can be quite enticing…but it always pays to remember that it is soooo easy to hide the reality of who someone is behind the mask of that computer screen. Too many people forget that very important fact and end up broken-hearted. I hope you are not one of them, sweet Blaga!

    • Broken Sparkles Says:

      It’s always easy to write about sad romance and to tell you the truth I don’t know why … I haven’t been broken-hearted in a very long time and this time is no exception. As you say, such online thingies are just “ghosts in the machine” and I’m not sure I believe in ghosts :) In this case, I am just enjoying a source of inspiration and having found one it’s logical to try and keep it as long as I can! Thank you Corina!


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