My shiny escape is not well

It’s one hour after midnight and I am supposed to be in bed and dream dreams or not dream at all, just sleep, but I’m not. I wonder if I will go to sleep at all tonight? If I will go to sleep ever again? I probably won’t! I tried watching TV in bed, I tried reading boring book, I tried counting sheep and the sand on a beautiful beach. I had a chamomile tea and a hot bath, lavender body milk and cotton pajamas. I had Mozart on my CD player and after that Handel. And then there was the silence and the tick-tock coming from the wall, darkness and still, hot air from the heater, and I tried to absorb them all at once, so my eyes could feel heavy and finally adrift. Guess what? It doesn’t work!!!

Those who come here often to read my posts, have probably noticed that Egypt is my very big weakness. Yes, I love the Pyramids, the secret temples and the stories of pharaoh, but the main reason that I adore that place is because my “shiny escape” lives there. It’s been two years since we met / Fairytale from Egypt/, it’s been complicated and not with a happy end story, but we stayed in contact. As friends, as two hearts longing the impossible, as two people hoping …

It’s supposed to be my “good-night-sleep” night, it had to be! Every Saturday for two years now we speak on the phone and that always sends me to bed with the most beautiful smile and hope for tomorrow. This week was his turn to call, but when 8pm came and he didn’t, I waited an hour, two … two and a half… At first I said:” Ok, he may be working and busy right now, he’ll call, he always does.” I am a very patient person, I can wait, oh boy, I’ve been waiting for so many things in this damn life, for so long and never winced once, with time I just got used to the waiting and made virtue out of it.

The past two days I was feeling strange and as I think now, all the little and not so important happenings, connected to him, might have been sign. Uh, I don’t really believe in such signs, but I don’t believe in coincidence either. You know when you get a bad vibe in the air and though everything seems normal around, still there is the feel for something  not quite alright. But I counted it as a tiredness after the flu and I didn’t pay further attention. Until tonight … When the phone didn’t rang at 8pm and I waited and waited, I decided to call and not wait for another hour. He didn’t pick up the phone, the voice that answered on my call wasn’t his. The usual “Hey beauty, how are you?” was replaced with dry “Hi Blaga, it’s M.’s friend, sorry he can’t talk on the phone, but he is in hospital.”

Hospital? What the hell he was talking about? It took me a minute to realize what the friend was saying. I completely lost my speech, I heard myself asking silly questions, while the brain was assimilating the “hospital” part. I thought, well, maybe he’s got a cold, but then who gets cold in the heat in Egypt, and who goes to a hospital in the middle of the night for a simple cold?  The alarm for danger went on, right there I heard the loud and nasty alarm.

Now, how exactly do you extract an information from a person who barely knows English, or how do I ask him questions in Arabic, when the Arabic I know is so poor and not enough for this kind of conversations? All I understood was that M. is in a special room, where no visitors are allowed/ Is that a room in intensive care?/, that it happened yesterday, he suddenly fainted at work and he hasn’t been awake since. Go figure if I got it right! If the crazy feeling that eats me at this moment is for a reason or fate is just playing games with me again?

If something bad happens? If I never get to hear his voice again and tell him how special he is? If the previous week’s midnight conversations was the last one? I will never forgive myself that I didn’t go to Egypt in October as I wanted and instead I went to Bulgaria and got disappointed from the people there… Is it possible to go crazy from all the questions hitting the walls of my head? I just want him to be ok. I want when I call tomorrow to have him answer the phone and to hear him joke and laugh with silly me. I promise, I will let him ask me all forbidden questions I usually avoid, so we can keep both of us sane.  And even if we don’t see each other again, or don’t talk again, even if I miss him forever and beyond … I just want him to be faraway from any hospitals and perfectly healthy and happy! Is this too much to ask? Please… let him be ok!

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Image by Sonam Mandal

© 2011  Broken Sparkles

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I could

I could

I could fall in love with you
at this very moment, shared with
consciousness and breathing.

My beaten senses could gladly
entrust the stories you murmur
about werewolves and princesses.

I could instantly leave behind
the pieces of life survived and take
the road to nowhere, as long as you drive.

I could, but would I? What a shame we live
in a world of possibilities and I have no time
for feelings, no bravery left either.

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"Inherent time" by L.Netz on deviantart.com

 

 © 2011  Broken Sparkles

 
 

Storm

Storm

I wanted a storm tonight, a wild one,
with thunders and lightnings,
with heavy rain and brutal wind.

I needed the sound of the hurricane
to blunt the sound of my running heart
when I heard you knocking on my door,
when the bell woke up my abandoned confidence.

I needed the electric sparks lighting the sky,
to hide the glow of triumph in my eyes,
when I saw you coming to me with hope,
with million questions about tomorrow.

I wanted the noise of the raindrops to mix with
the noise of my melting, fragile self-defense,
when the perfection of your face met the look of my eyes.

And the shiver down my spine, the tremble through my skin,
I needed you to think it’s because of the cold  air,
not because of your lips touching my lips with finest kiss.

I wanted to hide my weakness about you for a while,
to stand independent and confident for another moment,
before your charm conquered me, before your hands took my hands
and your voice asked me to follow you in the maze of love.

 

"Mallabula Storm" by Robert Vine

 

© 2011  Broken Sparkles

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